We're All Together Now

What would it take for George W. Bush, John McCain and Barack Obama all to sing from the same hymnal?

I'll give you two guesses.

If you guessed Cheetos, you're wrong.

If you guessed Russia, give yourself a pat on the back; I'm all out of prizes.

George W. Bush and his mouthpiece, Jim Jeffrey, who pretends to be the Deputy National Security Advisor, decided to run off at the mouth today.

First, Bush:

"The violence is endangering regional peace, civilian lives have been lost and others are endangered. We have urged an immediate halt to the violence and a stand-down by all troops. We call for an end to the Russian bombings."

If you just take the word Russian out and substitute it with American, couldn't this same statement be applied to Bush and his massacres in both Iraq and Afghanistan?

I always have to laugh, because it's so ridiculous, when Bush starts talking about wanting peace and how someone else is endangering lives.

Mirror, reflection, duh!

Now for Jim Jeffrey:

"If the disproportionate and dangerous escalation on the Russian side continues, this will have a significant long-term impact on U.S.-Russian relations."

Disproportionate? Someone in this administration is going to preach about disproportionate "escalation"? Are you fucking kidding me?

What about Shock and Fucking Awe, slimeball?

What about the 20,000 lb. bombs that you continue to drop on the people of Afghanistan, asswipe?

I have to tell you, if I were in D.C. and I saw this jackass on the street, I wouldn't hestiate to trip his ass. What happened afterwards, I leave to your imagination.

Disproportionate, indeed.

But the fun's just starting.

Here's John McCain:

"[Russia's actions are] totally, absolutely unacceptable...I would be very direct with President Putin that these actions will have consequences long term, in terms of our relationship with Russia, and it is in violation of the norms of international conduct."

First of all, is it possible to do successful brain transplants? Because it's quite obvious that this son of a bitch needs one...STAT.

Vladimir Putin is the Prime Minister of Russia, dumbass. Not the president. If he was, don't you think he would have been back in Moscow, rather than cavorting in Beijing?

Second, you need to do yourself a favor, Senator, and actually read something so you can be familiar with the situation. Even a little bit.

Repeat after me, Mr. McCain. Russia was charged by the United Nations to have peacekeeping duties in South Ossetia. Georgia decided, I don't know, that they had an itch they needed to scratch (only they know for sure where that itch was) and attacked South Ossetia. Because Russian troops were in South Ossetia at the time, Russia decided (I don't know why; perhaps because it was) that this was an act of war and retaliated.

I seem to remember something similar happening after Pearl Harbor was bombed (regardless of what you believe about that attack or what newfound history shows it to be). I seem to recall the Bush thugs attacking Afghanistan (for reasons known only to them) after the attacks of September 11, 2001.

Just because you were a fly boy in a massacre against an innocent country doesn't mean you can't grasp this concept.

Countries retaliate when they believe that they have been wronged.

Now, if someone would be so kind as to wheel Senator McCain into the operating theater, we're going to teach the kids what a brain looks like when it's past its expiration date.

And finally, Barack Obama:

"Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama said he had talked with Rice and Saakashvili to condemn Russia's recent actions. He said top diplomats from the U.S., the European Union and the United Nations should become directly involved in mediating the military conflict.

"'A genuinely neutral mediator - not the Russian government - must begin the process of negotiations immediately,' Obama said in a statement."

I gotta say, this is a real CHANGE. It sounds like CHANGE, doesn't it? I mean, it's not as if US policy is to side with the aggressor, is it? Oh, wait, it is? Hmmm, for some reason, I thought we were the beacon of the oppressed or the aggrieved. Guess not.

So Obama's been on the phone with the architects of this conflict, Condoleezza Rice and Mikhail Saakashvili, and told them, "Oh, I'm with you guys. I don't like that big bad Russia."

What a fucking surprise!

Then he recommends that three groups become involved in "negotiations" to "resolve" this "crisis". Well, one out of three ain't bad, bucko. Too bad you want the EU and the US to stick their dicks in where they don't belong. Syphilis sounds like a fitting reward if they do.

Finally, this cheese puff thinks that there's such a concept as a "genuinely neutral mediator". Who would that be, Barack? Martians? Perhaps we could get the aliens from Alpha Centauri to beam down.

The US is not a "genuinely neutral mediator" so don't even think about suggesting...oh, wait, you already did.

Britain is not a "genuinely neutral mediator" so...whoops, already mentioned the EU. That's two strikes.

Good luck in your quest for the last honest man or woman, Senator. As I said, you'll be looking long and far because there ain't one.

Never thought you'd see the day that Barack Obama, John McCain and George W. Bush would hold hands and sing Kumbaya, did you?

It happens more often than you think.